My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
