apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
