just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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