Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
