PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
