bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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