Having a random hookup so left but love u
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
