i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
not ubering you a puppy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
