Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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