Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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