I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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