even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
