i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
