who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize