hotel room ftw
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
