I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
