I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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