Last Night in Washington (509)

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• (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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• (509): View more from Washington

  The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

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