Last Night in New York (631)

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• (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  He went soft

  (631): View more from New York

  Wait. During?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

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• (631): View more from New York

  she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

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• (631): View more from New York

  i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture

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• (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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• (631): View more from New York

  k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.

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• (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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• (631): View more from New York

  i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night

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• (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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• (631): View more from New York

  You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

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• (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

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• (631): View more from New York

  i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not

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• (631): View more from New York

  After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch

  (1-631): View more from New York

  that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her

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