Last Night in Iowa (641)

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  she has no idea who harrison ford is.

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  see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.

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