Last Night in California (760)

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• (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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• (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

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• (760): View more from California

  The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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• (760): View more from California

  Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

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• (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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• (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

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• (760): View more from California

  My pussy is not your playground.

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• (760): View more from California

  You did not just play the dead husband card again.

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• (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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• (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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• (760): View more from California

  Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.

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• (760): View more from California

  so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

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• (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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• (760): View more from California

  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

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