Texts From Last Night · LoveMachine531's Favorites

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LoveMachine531's Favorites Texts:

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(207): View more from Maine

Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.

(1-207): View more from Maine

Accurate.

Fav 2 687 445
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.

Fav 4 1046 483
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(817): View more from Texas

When was the last time you wore pants?

(214): View more from Texas

Time is relative.

(214): View more from Texas

And pants are optional.

Fav 1 1282 568
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.

Fav 5 729 1025
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(561): View more from Florida

Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

Fav 3 828 558
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(801): View more from Utah

I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.

Fav 6 885 544
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

Fav 3 1004 579
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(682): View more from Texas

I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.

Fav 10 1313 754
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