Texts From Last Night · SlapChopZombie's Favorites

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SlapChopZombie's Favorites Texts:

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(325): View more from Texas

I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.

Fav 3 957 481
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(586): View more from Michigan

Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.

Fav 1 702 770
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots

Fav 5 575 464
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(519): View more from Ontario

Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?

Fav 2 684 550
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(303): View more from Colorado

IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'

Fav 0 776 448
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(488): View more from

Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.

Fav 6 1386 444
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(802): View more from Vermont

I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"

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