Texts From Last Night · jerrydba's Favorites

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jerrydba's Favorites Texts:

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

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(916): View more from California

and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.

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(936): View more from Texas

To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

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