Texts From Last Night · mr_slippy_fist's Favorites

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mr_slippy_fist's Favorites Texts:

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(559): View more from California

Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

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(937): View more from Ohio

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

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(530): View more from California

regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

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(512): View more from Texas

She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers

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(714): View more from California

I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

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(540): View more from Virginia

What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

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