Texts From Last Night · remodelsbyus's Favorites

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remodelsbyus's Favorites Texts:

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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(330): View more from Ohio

he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

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(404): View more from Georgia

just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

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(214): View more from Texas

His apartment number was 69. I had to.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(513): View more from Ohio

walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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