Texts From Last Night · sameans's Favorites

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sameans's Favorites Texts:

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(319): View more from Iowa

Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

Fav 31 9730 1634
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(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

Fav 11 7754 1739
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(516): View more from New York

if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine

Fav 6 2675 3631
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(317): View more from Indiana

Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

(614): View more from Ohio

Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

Fav 27 7192 1871
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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

Fav 43 20365 1804
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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

Fav 19 4125 1898
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(910): View more from North Carolina

For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.

Fav 16 5403 1718
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(619): View more from California

I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

Fav 54 2110 6219
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