Texts From Last Night · usmctanker's Favorites

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usmctanker's Favorites Texts:

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(816): View more from Missouri

You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

How did you break your hand eating pizza?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

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