It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
