the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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