Texts From Last Night · wumwumwumwumwum's Favorites

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wumwumwumwumwum's Favorites Texts:

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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