Last Night in Texas (432)

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• (432): View more from Texas

  On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'll just go with dedication.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.

  (1-432): View more from Texas

  You are officially qualified to graduate from college.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....

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• (432): View more from Texas

  There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...

  (917): View more from New York City

  Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...

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• (432): View more from Texas

  At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I will chop off your penis

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.

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