Last Night in South Carolina (843)

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today

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  I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  If that was your dad, he is hot

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  The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive

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  God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.

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  woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

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  yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed

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  May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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  he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...

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  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.

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  I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.

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  I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month

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