Last Night in Oregon (503)

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Score one for dad.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

  (503): View more from Oregon

  ... That's a shower caddy.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.

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