Last Night in Texas (214)

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  come over

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  yeah sure

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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• (214): View more from Texas

  In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

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