Last Night in North Carolina (919)

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  How are you and the lady friend?

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You just don't understand... :'(

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.

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