Last Night in Texas (432)

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• (432): View more from Texas

  dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...

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• (432): View more from Texas

  So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave

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• (432): View more from Texas

  GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK

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• (432): View more from Texas

  posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.

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