Last Night in Illinois (630)

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just thought you should know her name is kristen

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  batman just walked across the sidewalk

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  lay off the drugs

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no for real he was wearing a cape

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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