Last Night in Colorado (970)

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.

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