Last Night in Kansas (620)

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.

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