for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
