Last Night in California (818)

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• (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

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• (818): View more from California

  Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.

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• (818): View more from California

  I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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• (818): View more from California

  Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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• (818): View more from California

  We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

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• (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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• (818): View more from California

  dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.

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• (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

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• (818): View more from California

  dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

  (626): View more from California

  well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

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• (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

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• (818): View more from California

  Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)

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• (818): View more from California

  Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.

  (818): View more from California

  Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.

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• (818): View more from California

  Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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