And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
