i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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