i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
