i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
