k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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