This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
