I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
