I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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