I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
