i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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