You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
