Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
