It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
