Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
